Crimes against Humanity

Why is it that across Africa the choirboy quintet Westlife is held in such revered and sacred esteem? Is it their cherubic priest-baiting good looks and holier-than-thou pronouncements? Is it that someone from Christian Aid brought a tape and then it insidiously worked its way around the continent by some evil charm? And why, when I tell people that only girls and nonces actually listen to this foul sacrilegious twaddle in the UK am I met with either stunned silence or angry threats? Why do I take such pleasure by breaking said nonces’ hearts by telling them that the band broke up ages ago? Enjoy inventing facts like some of them have been arrested on charges of child molestation? ok, so the last two you could say are fictional fronts in the guerilla war on inanity, but the answers to the rest remain a profound and disturbing mystery. Time to call Hanks perhaps.